Worst breakfast ever!

On our third day in Malaysia we rented a scooter to explore the island of Penang. In true biker fashion I needed a “bikers” meal to start the day, rice or noodles weren’t going to cut it.

I ordered the eggs, sausage and hash browns. What came out was a version of eggs, sausage and hash browns. It looked like what I imagined futuristic food to resemble. Food that started in a powder form, you pop it into a machine that looks like a microwave, press a button and you instantly have a meal. It was colourless; I found it hard to distinguish my meal from the pale brown plate.

I thought maybe it’s like Nana’s casserole and it tastes better than it looks. My first bite of hash brown was met with me gagging it into a serviette. On my second mouthful I ventured into the dwarf sized condom injected with processed meat, apparently known as a sausage in Malaysia. But this tasted exactly the same as the hash brown, I think they just puree up the hash brown and injected it into the sausage condom. The egg I did not even bother with, it was more rubbery than rubber and the yoke was more fried than Ozzy Osbournes brain.

Just to make sure I wasn’t being fussy, I got Mandy to taste the hash brown. Her facial expression said it all. It looked like she had just opened up my dirty laundry bag that housed my four day old underwear. I was convinced now, that if you put this plate in the middle of a Somalian refugee camp, not even the flies would touch it. There was no amount of tomato sauce that could save it. Sorry mum, but on this occasion I had to miss the most important meal of the day.