Acting the dream

6 star assistant waiter starring Hap as Mark Cameron!

With this job it feels as though I’m acting. There is no Hap, there is only Mark.

At times I look in the mirror and think I’m going to take off the clean shaven short haired Mark mask and see dreadlocked bearded Hap looking back at me. Here’s the photos of the before and after shots some of you were wanting – enjoy your laugh Barnz.

When I see photos of my former self I get pangs of jealousy and remember back to what it felt like to look as though I could enter a R16 movie and not be denied entry. But in reality, when I was in Ushuaia looking for work, I would have done anything to be where I am now. If a cruise ship had of been looking for a transsexual belly dancer I would have got the chop and signed up for belly dancing lessons, it was that simple. Let’s face it, I did get the chop, the dreadlocks went and that to me shows I would have done anything.

Not only have I had a physical make over, but I have also had a verbal make over. These days I am like one of those futuristic terminator like robots that has been programmed to save the world, the only difference is that I’m programmed to give 6 star service. Gone are the days of hey bro, G’day mate, hows it going. I automatically greet people with Good Morning Sir could I offer you any assistance? And whatever they say I reply with “Certainly. My pleasure”. Check out the verbal protocol below that we have to follow – Lets just say it took me a while to reprogramme my “How ya doing” and “yeah, no worries”.


My current job has many similarities to when I worked on the oil and gas rigs in Canada. The only difference is that the four lettered F and C words (mother I did not use these words, only my co-workers) have been replaced with Yes sir, no sir and the carrying of pipes, hammering, painting, cleaning equipment have been replaced with carrying trays of food and polishing glasses.

OK folks…………oppps, I’m not allowed to say folks, it’s against verbal protocol, lets try that again. OK ladies and gentlemen, it’s show time, the lunch buffet stage is calling, until next time.